"Flashlight?" Check! "Supreme. You're now ready to join the Dork Side of the Force."...*shining-flashlight-on-script*..."Apologies...Dark Side."

Welcome to the Dark Side, young padawan! This greeting isn't meant to convey your entry into the overused message that is sent out by legions of PlayStation 3 owners either, as if they had nothing better to say. Why think of the PlayStation 3 as being linked to the "Dark Side," when in reality it is the "Best Side" of gaming as to where this machine stands head and shoulders above the best? What I intend to point out though, is that you are now entering into a world shrouded in darkness. No longer the weak child that I found you as: you are now the manly apprentice - my apprentice. For, I am Darth Vader... and I am your father.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Silence, Luke. I'll b*tch slap you with your own dismembered hand! Ahem. Anyway, we have a mission to attend to. As my student, I have secretly instructed the overpowering Force that flows through your body all of these years. I've done so, so that you may vanquish Emperor Palpatine. But to prove to me your true identity and to uphold to your bearing as a Sith, I must send you on a few more errands to finish off the remaining Jedi that are scattered across the galaxy. Do you accept this task, Starkiller (a.k.a., your identity)? If so, press the green "YES" button. If no, press the red "NO" button.

"Never. I'll never turn to the Dark Side. You've failed, your high-"

*b*tch slaps Luke* I warned you, son. Now sit down in the corner and be quiet until the beginning of A New Hope!

Ah, I see that you've pressed YES. Good. Gooooood.... You are truly an origin of my own.

Let us return now to the details of your voyage across time (which revolves around everything and anything) and space (where the game literally imports and exports you around from one location to another via intergalactic travel). Now listen good, my padawan: Star Wars: The Force Unleashed is a third-person action game brought to you by our Master +1s, LucasArts. In the game you shall experience the aforementioned goals, where it is your destiny as my secret padawan to destroy Darth Sidious, the almighty Lord of the Sith. Trekking across stages, you are to find and defeat the number of Jedi that I have previously specified. But first, in order to reach them you must also complete objectives such as emptying rooms that are full of enemies (which can include robots that rise up from underneath the ground, Stormtroopers, and gun-wielding Jawas) to unlocking the doorways or passageways that sometimes hold barrier to your advancement. At times a force field surrounds your exit pass; track down and remove the object that is powering this guard, you must. These defiant guards include everything from a battery block that is attached to the wall, to an energy unit running through the ground level that becomes your objective to hoist it upward. And how does one Starkiller such as you succeed in these tasks? It is fortunate for you to seek out my wisdom.

The Force is strong with you, my padawan learner. You will become more powerful than any Jedi could ever dream of, in that you will not only be able to electrocute any range of foes and objects in your way (triangle), but you can also fling your lightsaber around through pathways of enemies (L2 + square) like good ol' Mick Dundee (boomerang style) to Force Gripping objects and again enemies to do with as you please. By Force Gripping a door (R2) and sliding it open (left analog), you should now be able to grasp the beginning toward your strengths against your enemies and my own. What stings about the gameplay a bit (at least from the start) is that becoming accustomed to the Force Grip power by learning how to dangle enemies (or objects) in midair and then proceeding to toss them into either individual or enemy rows can be slightly tricky. Because you're operating this maneuver with both analog sticks (the left one moves the body horizontally, and the right one travels vertically), it's as if you're acting as a crane operator. At times, the targeting system can also cause you slight heartache. It's automatic, not manual, and so you will find that as you approach your victim or thing you will become prey to an arrangement in which you might sometimes lock onto your unwanted desire. With some practice though, the Dark Side of the Force comes more naturally to everyone in about thirty minutes or so.

Mind you, wielding the Force isn't all that is on your plate. If you are to destroy the Empire you will also require points in the right direction. Your tasks expand past the solo boundaries of wreaking havoc upon surrounding smaller and larger mini-bosses of saleable size (e.g., rancors and AT-STs). Canvassing each traceable path of the map, you will find holocrons allocated where you can sometimes see them, and sometimes not. These glowing red (empowering you with endowments along the lines of increased damage and unlimited Force power for short spurts) and yellow icons grant upon your dark soul poooooower - unlimited pooooower! Their purpose, essentially, is to aid in the height of your Force influence in a number of ways. Certain yellow holocrons grant you 1,000 experience points, while others can relish your status screen with a single point toward a Force power. Some holocrons even are good for providing various shades of lightsaber beams and lightsaber-enabled powers (such as enhancing your weapon with lightning status from time to time). These things tie into the RPG-like upgrade system, from which as you my student shall gain points for every foe that is defeated. In turn you shall progress through upwards of levels. Combining this with the ability to spend points across three pages of your attributes (including everything from stronger defenses and increased health, to unlocking combos and Force powers), you shall overcome a great victory and prove to me that you are capable, young one.

Forcing me to speak of your delightful reign over anyone and anything that stands in your way is merely not bound to entertainment values from the experience, but stems from what you'll envision as your annihilation progresses. Your mind may be warped if you cannot find the draw in aspects like bountiful piles of trash and electrical pillars, finely texturized pieces of scrap, and destructible robotic, humanoid, or green to tiny alien enemies merging in on your position, battling one another, and causing ruckus amongst the lines that you'll cross. Dazzling blue electrical beams flow through your fingertips. A transparent aura wavers upon your body as you'll thrust backward droves of soon-to-be lifeless duds using your Force Repulse. Indulging your springing off of walls, batting homeruns in sparkling saber duels, and navigating your inviting terrain - from the plant and muck-driven swamps of Felucia to the tidily neat whites, blacks and grays aboard the Death Star - is all represented well enough. One can only complain that the sights aren't in the same stellar ships as other lovelies. Star Wars: The Force Unleashed is much that of a difference between its decent beauty in Shmi and a blinding beauty in Padme.

You've mastered all, my apt pupil. You know the ways of the Gameplay. You know the ways of the Graphics. You even know the ways of the Plot and Brand Recognition. You have but one more challenge beckoning your skills: the Sound of the Force. Should you complete your given assignment, your ears will sense every whirring lightsaber swing, every clanking footstep along harder surfaces and ones that distinctively differ through those that are not. All of the screeching and roaring of the TIE Fighters overhead, all of the beams blasting, and with all of the creature effects, this sounds as if you're a part of a Star Wars movie... or game. Completed with a cast of nobodies (even by having the only recognizable talent Jimmy Smits on board), fear not - for you are the one who strikes fear upon others. Besides, the voice talent does an okay job at imitating the range of strange and familiar characters across the Star Wars universe. If anything is to cloud your sounded-out judgment, this would fall on behalf of the musical tempo. By ripping John Williams's stock portfolio of famous orchestral scores out of its database, LucasArts blends the music in Star Wars: The Force Unleashed into an uneven buildup from calm to intense instrumental rhythms. Once the enemies here have been dispensed by your hand, the fired-up music continues rolling. A balance in the Force is indeed in need.

Sense a disturbance in the Force, do I? Weak, are you? Scared, are you? Not yet. But, you will be. Oh, you will be. For you are about to embark on a quest of great importance.... It is your destiny to fulfill the legacy that I have set forth in front of you, Starkiller. Take your lightsaber. Take the knowledge that I have spurned upon your feeding essence of your inner darkness. Go, and take the Emperor's life! This, I command of you my son!

"Don't listen to him, dude-a-licious! Darth Vader is not your father. It was all a lie! But yo, look at me, daddio - I'm surfing the Internet. Rad-i-cal!"

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

"What's wrong, Darth Maker?"

My lightsaber has gone missing. *Force Pushes Luke into the great unknown* Ah, that's more like it. As I was saying, Star Wars: The Force Unleashed is a decent game to pass the time. After somewhat flawed controls, a step back from the finest and most ingenious gameplay, visuals, or sounds, the upside is that past the small areas of black there is a Light Side to this Force. And that is, that this is a good game. It's not great, but it's good. I mean, uh, bad. Yes - very, very evil and in tune with the Dark Side. Buy Star Wars: The Force Unleashed and bow down to your master!