King Kong

While chock-full-o' contradictions, plot holes, unexplained events, improbable interactions and other foolishness, Kong delivers a fairly substantial blow in terms of action. Sure, the plot takes forever to get underway and most of the characters are without personality, but it didn't stop me from cringing with glee on the edge of my seat just before Kong rips apart the jaws of the last of three Tyrannosaurs he kills. While this movie is rated (essentially) for kids, there is quite a bit of computer animated creature violence, and this may be the movie's sole redeeming factor.

Now: what does a prospective viewer need to know about this film? Be aware of the fact that the visuals are very well done, the movie is very thorough in its length, and the lines delivered fairly well considering how ridiculous they are. A few characters manage to smuggle some humor aboard, but you'll get the sense that the movie is meant to be taken more seriously than is possible.

Noteworthy are the savages (some sort of superstitious, hellish aboriginal/Congo breed), turbocharged prehistoric creatures and insects (including massive tubule creatures resembling cervixes with teeth) and sweet dinosaurs. The scenery is swell, as directory Peter Jackson once again milks the New Zealand landscape for all it's worth. Also mentionable is a well-performed Ann Darrow character (played by Naomi Watts) who does a great job at training her tear-filled eyes and soft, silly heart on a tremendous and presumably very smelly ape. Sadly, Kong is more attractive and masculine than the burgeoning dramaturge Jack Driscoll (played by Adrian Brody) who nails Ann on board the S.S. Venture just prior to their landing on Skull Island. You'll find Ann's affinity with and love for both Kong and Driscoll to be silly and mindless, and without any apparent forethought. She will look cute, though, as she turns witlessly to the arms of each who embrace her.

Most disappointing were the transitions. After a harrowing adventure ending in the capture of Kong, and Ann's rescue by Driscoll, we are immediately yanked to a cheesefest in which the characters from the island seem inexplicably separated - as if years of bad feelings and gossip have driven them apart. We have no idea, for example, why Driscoll and Ann appear to have gone their separate ways. Driscoll is found languishing in a theater, while Ann tearfully plods through some sort of ballet somewhere else. But! With a "just-follow-my-nose" burst of inspiration, Driscoll leaps to his feet and wanders around town until he finds and once again smooches the weepy-eyed Ann - who, meanwhile, has just been carried all over town by our notorious Broadway musical escapee, her beloved Kong.

As a last line of 5th grade monologue ends and you race for the exit and the nearby restroom, you'll be filled with the hugeness of the action, even if you feel drained the flimsiness of the plot and dialogue.