The Bard's Tale for PlayStation 2

There is only one word I can use to describe Bard's Tale, and that's absolutely hilarious! Okay, yes, I know that's two words... but moving on... you play as a smack-talking, wise-cracking, Narrator-bashing Bard who wants nothing more to drink and be merry (with several women--at once, if possible.) He's an anti-hero and then some. His reaction to the main plot is stated perfectly in his own words; "The things I do for lust..."

In the beginning, you'll be able to choose various attributes and a talent to start with. It's best to listen to the explanations, and make your decisions based on how you like to play. Of course, regardless, you'll be thrown into several situations that might require you to use a different weapon... but it's never that dire. The attributes and such are pretty standard to RPGs. Its worth noting that you can choose your difficulty, which changes your base attributes appropriately. After that, you may freely add whichever points you desire (until you run out, at least). Each level up, you will be prompted to add points to your attributes. For those of you are inexperienced, there's an auto-assign option for you to use.

Along your quest, you'll meet outrageously odd characters and stereotypes that make fun of themselves. You'll come across corpses of former Chosen Ones, and have a song sung to you that will make you laugh and wonder, "Why hasn't this idiot turned tail and ran yet?" You can also expect some funny discourse between the Bard and the Narrator. It's obvious the Narrator is none-to-pleased with his 'companion'.

It's also worth mentioning that at certain times during dialogue, you can direct the Bard's type of response. He can be sarcastic or polite. Whichever you choose decides several different things, namely how the NPC reacts, the difficulty of your quest, or the chance of getting an item. Not all characters will respond to politeness, so don't be afraid to use a little wit to get what you want. Especially when it involves several strange men who are each missing various limbs...

During your ventures into the wilds, you can summon companions with your musical instrument to help you fight. There's quite a range in what you can choose; defensive, ranged, healing, elemental, etc. At first, you may only summon one at a time to aid you. Later on, you can have a mini-party of summoned minions. You direct them with standard commands mapped to the D-pad. Just be cautious, because you cannot summon and fight at the same time. Summons can take a precious amount of time so plan ahead.

Along with summons, you of course, have to fight. This is where the game suffers. All combat is real time, so you've got to be on your toes. Menus won't pause the battles. On that note, combat isn't very fun... especially not in the beginning. You'll find yourself frustrated and wanting to toss the game out a window. Eventually, you'll get the hang of it, but the horrid camera angle (it adjusts... just never in a way that actually helps you) will normally damper any success. So you've simply got to count on your summons, and remember what button to press to bring up the menu that summons your princess' healing vision. Oh, and hope you've got the right amount 'stones' to do the job, too. No, I don't mean those kinds of stones... though you may need them, as well.

Of course, as you grow more powerful, it isn't that big of a deal... unless you've got ten or more enemies all trying to spill your blood at once. You'll feel like you're in a mosh pit, only instead of simply slamming against you, they're biting, clawing, and stabbing. Perhaps they're even shooting with arrows. The fact of the matter is you can't escape. Getting mobbed equals death. So you've got to be really careful, and keep an eye on the map 'radar' at all times. If you see a horde coming from you, be a coward. Run. Unless you've saved recently, you don't want to risk it...

Speaking of which, saving is pretty standard. There are 'books' placed randomly that you can use to save. While on quests, you might be a little frustrated when you can't save at important spots. However, you can always backtrack (albeit, quite a ways) and save. Its better safe than sorry and with combat like it is in this game you'll want to be safe.

The graphics in this game are pretty good. You've got nice little forests—filled with not-so-nice bad guys—and towns that look their part. The characters are nicely done, though you hardly get to see the details unless you're in a cut scene. The camera angle doesn't do the game's graphical engine justice. There are pretty things out there, and it's a shame you can't see them! The character's faces actually look like faces, instead of weird blocky, misshapen creatures. (Don't mind me; I'm still in shock of GTA: SA's awful faces)

The voice acting is pretty standard. At times, the Bard's actor sounded a bit too flat. Some of his remarks failed to be funny simply because it sounded like he was talking to a wall. This is disappointing, because his voice is done by Cary Elwes, from The Princess Bride and Robin Hood: Men in Tights! I expected better of him, as he is pretty good with this sort of thing. Yes, I realize it could be monotone, but monotone is not funny when you're a character like the Bard. At least the accents are done well.

The sound, is well... its sound. Yeah, it's not really worth mentioning. The only sound you care about in this game is the voice acting, and that's been covered. Swords sound like swords, etc. There's very little music, if any.

Despite the not-so-good combat engine, and the unfriendly camera angle, Bard's Tale is definitely worth a shot. Those of you who've never played an RPG of this sort (Baldur's Gate, Champions of Norrath, etc) might have a little trouble adjusting. You might find more love in the upcoming PC release, though I'm not sure how that'll fair... as we all know the track record of games going from consoles to computer.

For those of us who are experienced RPGers (and as such, a bunch of cynical, unhappy buggers because of the recent RPG market) you'll find solace in this game. If you don't find that, then at least you'll laugh... and it won't be because the game sucks that much. You'll be laughing because it's actually funny.